I would feel far less vulnerable were I passionate about minimalism, macrame, Yatzhee® or vegetarian cooking. You know, something "normal". Something normal and definitely not so personal.
But no, curious little space oddity me has the undeniable (I’ve tried to deny it, repeatedly) urge to explore, to self-experiment and to share discoveries around all things self-belief, courage, mindset and emotional wellbeing. Crucial life skills as I see them.
Mostly because I know how it hurts, painfully in your beating heart, when it feels like there's no one encouraging or affirming you. None more so though, than when you’re not doing it for yourself.
Here we are then. Albeit sometimes somewhat awkwardly. But I'm getting to be more and more OK with this
So, a little bit about me for the stalker in you...
...because it pays to be relatable apparently, but hmmm how much to reveal?? Let's just start and see how we get on...
Deep thinker. Sometimes maybe too deep (shut up mind!) The quintessential observer. I concur that you’ve definitely gotta watch the quiet ones, because there’s heaps more going on in the inside than the loud or foolish can like to assume.
Feeler. Intuitive. Kind. Honest. Easy going. Relatively quiet until you really know me. Sometimes awkward like I said. Also tenacious, resilient, resourceful, determined, part mountain goat, process driven. Aren't I making myself sound great?!!
Born in Whanganui New Zealand in the mid-70s (long before it had the official “h”) into the very vaguely semi-famous in NZ at the time "Whitlock Sauce" clan, if you're old enough to remember that far back. My parents split when I was 4yo and we moved around quite a bit after that, with Mum and my bros, to different places and schools and houses and such. The family pickle biz was sold on when I was still a kid, with tragically no allowance made for my trust fund, and IMHO the sauces have never tasted quite the same since.
Wanting AT life, I transplanted myself an hour up the track to the metropolis of Palmy North for work as soon as I left school. Before setting off on that Kiwi right of passage escapade of escapades, my Big OE. Which was fun, daring, adventurous, eye-opening & wonderfully messy for a shyish girl from the mighty Manawatu.
Returning to NZ to live just in time to see in the new millennium (FYI I spent it in Napier; it was a complete anti-climax) ...with a husband, who turned out to be not one of my better moves ...but you know, first marriages don't count is a motto I now wholeheartedly subscribe to. Divorcee turned commitment-phobe by 27. First-time (and simultaneously single) mum at 39. So, very much a late bloomer in the love, family & sense of security department.
However, happily ensconced as I write this, in provincial Nelson with my peanut butter fiancé (the complete extrovert to my much more introverted tendencies) and my amazing son. Where the sun shines almost continuously and so do most of the folk. Which goes to show I think, that if unexpected good things can happen for me then they're entirely probable for anyone else ...given that most people, including myself, had largely given up hope that I would ever settle down. My grandma would also be proud, being as she always substituted anything missing with peanut butter in her cooking when alive. I'm also fairly certain this wasn't how she died.
Greatest fears include: stagnation and letting my world shrink to the point where end up writing copious letters to the editor for reasons of both complaint and excitement, so do like my big city fixes for perspective. And uncomfortable emotions. These used to 100% freak me out, but after years of excellent therapy courtesy of the NZ Government (of which I'm more grateful than I could ever say) they're now my closest comrades who know me better than I know myself, which is an extremely useful resource to have.
Once described by an ex as most valuable player to take along with to unfamiliar places to help flush out sources of pot. Before you go getting all judgey, as already mentioned, I’m originally from Whanganui and was once a teenager thus. I think what said boyfriend (who had a different upbringing to moi) really meant was "streetwise" and "adaptable". Still unsure though, should I include on my CV?
Writer. Premeditative organiser. Lover of tea, books, stationery, sunshine on my back, hot water bottle on belly in winter, bare feet in summer, essential oils, nature, warm people, interesting folk, things that feel like magic. Multiple income streams & doing things with technology online. ENCOURAGEMENT! Boots. Enthusiasm. Imagination. A definite dry wit fan.
A huge welcome so, if you've found your way here and read all this way down to the bottom. Quite the accomplishment, I'm proud of you and thank you!
This blog is my way of thinking
My way of rooting for everyone & for myself
We’re all pretty incredible, this I know
Even if sometimes life can feel like a bit of shit show and we fall into doubting ourselves.